Cooking in the West

With all of the discussion about artificial intelligence having the potential to run amuck and perhaps wipe out mankind, I have become more sensitive to my interactions with artificial intelligence--namely our Amazon Alexa. Technology has the potential to make everyone’s life better but apparently also the potential to put millions of people out of work and threaten our very existence if the algorithms go rogue. One career that will likely be among the last to become dominated by artificially intelligent bots is the horse packer. However, my favorite packer, Jerry Yoder, who packed hundreds of eggs into the wilderness for me and never broke a single one, maintains that technology could be invented that would allow anyone to become a world class horse packer. The following is the explanation Jerry sent to me describing how artificial intelligence could be safely tapped to allow anyone to enjoy the pleasures of horse packing.

“Dear Susan,

Humans have been packing animals for a few thousand years or so. Evidently there have been few technological advancements over the course of history. One of the more recent ones would be the invention of the decker style saddle. Who developed it depends upon who you ask, but apparently they were first used about 100 years before Al Gore invented the internet.

I am pleased to unveil the “device” that will introduce packing to 21st century technology, and allow anyone, however inexperienced they may be, to pack like a pro. “Yoder’s Augmented Reality Packin’ System” is what i call it. I thought about hiring a crackerjack team of marketers to name it, but I was afraid they’d want me to change my name to something cooler like “Smoot” or “Rooney.” Or maybe they’d call it some ill-advised name like “iPack”. But I digress...

Allow me to tell you about this fantastic system. A pair of glasses. Think Google glasses--only much more sophisticated. Can’t remember how to tie a basket hitch? Decker diamond? Alpine butterfly? No problem! The augmented reality (AR) software animates each knot step by step and projects it to the inside surface of the glasses as you tie the knot. Shucks, it basically ties the knot for you!

So, you’ve never packed before? We got that covered too. The voice recognition software shows you just what to do. Its name is Penelope. For example, if you need to manty a bale of hay, just say “Penelope, how do I manty a bale of hay?” She’ll show you where to place the bale on the manty, how to fold up the corners, and how to tie it all up properly with a manty rope. Or say “Penelope, how do I pack eggs?” and she’ll show ya where in the load to put them. Just in case you are a little intimidated by such advanced tech, her voice will be the same whiny woman’s voice you already have on all your other electronics. That’ll help settle ya down and’ make ya feel warm and fuzzy.

Of course, she’ll show you how to adjust the britchin, breast collar, etc to keep from galling up the mule, and how to tie the load on properly. Each saddle will have “Lev-o-matic” sensors that warn you when the saddle is shifting to the side because of a load not balanced properly.

For those wanting to advance their skills a little farther (more than 1 or 2 pack animals) I recommend purchasing the “mule psychology module.” Tell Penelope each mule’s name. Then select his/her behavioral characteristics from a checklist, and she will tell you in what order you should string them up for optimal behavior. If perchance the mules you selected to use for the day won’t work well together, she will suggest taking fewer mules and tell you which ones to turn back in the corral. If you have other mules available in the corral, she can suggest which ones you should use for the day instead of the ones you just turned back in.

For the ultimate in packin’, there is one more upgrade... The drone! I call her Alice. The video feed from Alice’s camera displays directly onto your AR glasses, allowing you to observe your string without turning your head to look back. No more neck pain! Perfect for those times when you couldn’t normally even see the last few mules, like when you’ve got 12 or more mules and you’re in dog hair pine on a windin’ trail. You don’t even need to fly Alice! Here’s how it works. Penelope, the “Lev-o-matic” saddles, and Alice all integrate seamlessly. Penelope knows the order of the mules, and each mule’s saddle sends a distinct signal, which Alice receives, thereby knowing where she should fly. Let’s say you have eight mules in your string and Penelope had you string them up in this order: 1. Frosty 2.Fireball 3. Echo 4. Jed 5. Elmer 6. Penny 7. Murphy 8. Betty. Alice’s home position is above your first mule (Frosty). Normally, her cameras allow a good view of the whole string from there, but what if your view of Betty is obstructed by trees? Say, “Alice, show me Betty” and she flies back to Betty’s position. A collision avoidance system keeps her from crashing into trees and such along the way. Let’s say Betty’s load is riding fine, but she’s walking on the side of the trail eating grass. The built in microphone on your AR glasses and the speaker on Alice allow you to holler at Betty without raising your voice!

I’m sure after readin’ this you will agree with me that “Yoder’s AR Packin’ System” simply makes packin’ schools obsolete, as well as making packin’ less of a pain in the neck!

Jerry

PS If there ain’t enough words in this letter to fill your column, just do like the politicians do. Add big words so you can take a long time to say nothing. (Sent from an ever changing, undisclosed location by my non-smart phone... no wait, my laptop!)”

Jerry did not send any recipes, so I will share some favorite summer recipes from my Amazon Alexa. I sure hope she never gets mad at us and turns on us with all that pent up artificial intelligence, so I am trying to stay on her good side.

Sour Cream Chicken Enchiladas:

3 C. shredded Cheddar cheese

2 C. shredded Monterey Jack cheese

2 C. chopped cooked chicken

2 C. sour cream

1 can cream of chicken soup

1 can chopped green chilies

2 t. finely chopped onion

Season with salt and pepper to taste

10 flour tortillas

1 C. sour cream

1 can cream of chicken soup

Combine the first 8 ingredients and spoon about 1/2 C. into each tortilla. Roll up and place in a 9 X 13 greased pan. Cover with a mixture of 1 C. sour cream and 1 can cream of chicken soup. Cover with foil and bake for 20 minutes at 350 degrees. Garnish with black olives, lettuce, tomatoes, and shredded cheese if desired.

Three Ingredient Chocolate Mousse:

1 1/2 C. heavy whipping cream

1/2 C. powdered sugar

1/4 C. cocoa powder

Beat all ingredients in a chilled bowl with chilled beaters until stiff peaks form. Spoon into serving bowls and serve chilled. Top with whipped cream if desired.

Easy Beef Enchiladas:

1 lb. ground beef, browned

2 cans (10 oz.) mild red enchilada sauce

1 can (4.5 oz.) chopped green chilies

10 flour tortillas

1 1/2 C. shredded Cheddar cheese

Spray a 9 X 13 baking pan with spray. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Brown beef and stir in chilies and 1/2 C. enchilada sauce. Spread 1/2 C. of the enchilada sauce evenly in the bottom of the pan. Spread 1/4 C. beef mixture down center of each tortilla. Sprinkle with l T. cheese. Wrap tortillas tightly around the filling and place seam side down in the dish. Top with remaining enchilada sauce and sprinkle with remaining cheese. Bake for 25 minutes or until hot and bubbly. Garnish with lettuce, black olives, chopped tomatoes, shredded cheese, green onions, and sour cream if desired.