Cooking in the West

 

October 9, 2020



I really am not a Tweeter. In fact, I do not have a Twitter account, but I do love to write fake Tweets. In fact, there is a special holiday coming up that positively screams for fake Tweets. Columbus Day is my favorite holiday of the year. It is the perfect holiday because you don’t have to buy cards or gifts for it, decorate for it, cook for the celebration, or even gather all of the family together for it. It is just a day off for some of us. There are no Columbus Day traditions that must be observed. It is a truly stress-free holiday except that some are wanting to change it to Indigenous People's Day, and somehow that just does not sound as carefree and relaxing to me.

The following are some Tweets that are not worthy of Twitter, but they honor the occasion of Columbus Day properly in my satirical opinion!

Leif Erickson@VikingsRock: “Who is this poser, Christopher Columbus? How could he discover America? I was here 500 years ago! #Christophercomelately”

Pythagorus@AncientGreece: “I didn’t just come up with that Pythagorean theorem to torture high school students. I know the world is round, but it will take some show boater like Christopher Columbus to prove it in a couple thousand years! #AsquaredplusBsquaredequalsCsquared”

Joe Biden@MyBasement: “Today we honor that guy from Columbus, Ohio ...or no... somewhere in Europe... Christopher Columbo, yes, he was a great television detective who also discovered America. #GottaloveAricept”

Donald J. Trump@RealDonaldTrump: “On Columbus Day we will honor a really great man, a man for whom many statues have been recently torn down, a man who started the first social disease pandemic in the history of mankind--by accident of course. The silver lining of that pandemic was that the third quarter economy of Spain improved when there were several million fewer mouths to feed. #Covidshmovid”

Alexandria Ocasio Cortez@Townidiot: “Climate change started with Christopher Columbus. That’s why we tore down his statues. He brought the first cows to America. They have been flatulating holes in our atmosphere ever since, and he also exacerbated the spread of lactose intolerance. #Greennewridiculousness”

Bill Clinton@Firstmanwannabe: “Yes, that Queen Isabella of Spain was a looker, but I did not have relations with that woman, primarily because she has been dead for five centuries. #Definitionofis”

The perfect holiday should be celebrated with perfect holiday cookies such as these from my friend and former County Superintendent of Schools colleague in Musselshell County, Kathy Pfister. Thanks, Kathy! Happy Columbus Day, everyone!

Mocha Frosted Drop Cookies:

1/2 C. shortening

two 1 oz, squares unsweetened chocolate

1 C. brown sugar

1 egg

1 t. vanilla

1/2 C. buttermilk

1 1/2 C. sifted flour

1/2 t. soda

1/4 t. salt

1/2 C. chopped nuts

1 C. semi sweet chocolate chips

Melt shortening and chocolate. Cool. Add sugar. Beat in egg , vanilla and milk. Add dry Ingredients. Stir in nuts and chocolate chips. Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes.

Frosting:

Cream:

1/4 C. butter

2 T cocoa

2 t. instant coffee

Dash of salt

Beat in:

2 1/2 C. confectioners sugar

1/2 t. vanilla

Enough milk to make spreading consistency.

Frost and let set before storing.

Grandma’s Ginger Creams:

2 C. molasses

1 C. brown sugar

1 1/2 C. shortening

3 Eggs

1/2 C. Water

1 T. soda

2 t. cinnamon

1 t. ginger

1/2 t. salt

6 C. flour

Cream sugar and eggs. Stir in remaining ingredients and mix well. Drop by teaspoon onto greased sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for 10 to 15 minutes. Cookies will be soft. Frost with a simple powdered sugar glaze. Let set fully before storing, and store between layers of waxed paper.

Basic Powdered Sugar Glaze:

2 C. powdered sugar

2 T. softened butter

1 t. vanilla

3 to 4 T. Half-n-half to reach glazing consistency

Mix well and use as a glaze for Grandma’s Ginger Creams.

 

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