With Thanksgiving in the rear view mirror, I have theorized that apparently the clothes dryer has been shrinking my jeans. It could not be my penchant for eggnog and Christmas cookies, so it must be the dryer. The realization that my diet should include more salad than fudge somehow got me thinking about poor Santa and his obligation to eat all of those Christmas cookies. I wrote this little Christmas rhyme about Santa trying to fight the bulge with the Keto Diet.

Special Bulletin From Santa

—by Susan Metcalf

'Twas the month before Christmas, and Santa was in a snit.

He had tried on his big red suit, and it absolutely did not fit.

His bowl full of jelly physique made it hard to hoist his pack.

His cholesterol and blood pressure ranged near "heart attack."

Worse yet, kids no longer ask for skates or tinkertoys.

It's computers and flat screen TVs for girls and boys.

Have you ever tried lugging a bag of computers down a chimney?

It's exhausting and gives a fat man a massive stroke by jiminy!

It used to take just a blink of an eye to deliver toys in a town complex,

But subdivisions are a genuine twenty-first century pain in Santa's neck!

When he has to start the reindeer up every twenty plus acres,

It makes him reconsider careers such as butchers and bakers.

A steady diet of cookies and milk and a quart of creamy eggnog

Could no longer be metabolized even with a daily North Pole jog.

Mrs. Claus, fearing a life insurance claim, suggested the Keto diet.

Santa checked in the mirror (twice) and sighed, "O.K., Dear, I'll try it!"

So Santa Claus began to eat beef and eggs and cream--

The grub was so great; deprivation it did not even seem.

He ate pork rinds and prime rib and shrimp and cheese.

As long as he avoided carbs, he could eat as he pleased.

Santa lost fifty pounds, and he had never ever felt better.

Lost so much insulation, Mrs. Claus knitted him a sweater.

Now the sleigh is ultra-light, because Santa is so trim and fit.

His marathon delivery will take half the time to accomplish it.

However, Santa has asked me to get the word out this year. . .

Or else there will be a lot of disappointed children I fear.

Kids, skip the milk and cookies, because there are carbohydrates in every bite.

Set out beef, cheese, and eggs; Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Of course I have some high calorie Christmas recipes to share this week. Phyllis Jarrett and Linda Carlson are my featured Big Timber, Montana cooks this week. Linda is the queen of cut-out holiday cookies, so I was delighted when she agreed to share her recipes for them! Phyllis shared one of her late mother-in-law's best holiday recipes. Thanks, Phyllis and Linda!

Betty Jarrett’s Chocolate Caramels:

2 sq. baking chocolate

2 C. sugar

1 and 1/2 C. cream

3/4 C. corn syrup

1/4 t. salt

1 t. vanilla

1 C. chopped walnuts

Combine sugar, syrup, salt and 1/2 C. cream in a heavy saucepan. Stir until mixture boils. When the mixture forms a soft ball stage, add another 1/2 C. cream and chocolate squares. Stir well. Boil again until soft ball stage. Add the last 1/2 C. cream. Cook until firm ball stage. Add nuts and vanilla. DO NOT BEAT! Pour into a buttered pan. (I use a large glass pie pan.) When cool, cut into pieces.

Linda’s Decorator Cookies:

2 C. margarine

2 1/4 C. sugar

1 T. Real vanilla

3 eggs

1/4 C. milk

6 C. flour

4 1/2 t. baking powder

1/2 t. salt

Mix in the order given. Chill dough for at least 1 hour. Roll on lightly floured pastry cloth or board 1/8 inch thick. Cut in desired shapes. Bake in a 375 oven for 4-6 minutes. Do not over bake. Cool completely and frost as desired with decorator frosting. This dough freezes well, as do the baked cookies.

Decorator Frosting

1 C. margarine

1 C. Crisco

1/4 C. milk

2 t. real vanilla

1 2# bag powdered sugar

Mix this all together and use food coloring in small batches to get the colors you need. Use spatula to spread on cookies or use decorator bags. This frosting freezes well, and you can store it in the fridge for a couple months in an airtight container.